s24e04 – “Superbrawl 2010”
OK, I’m really bad at keeping to a schedule. But don’t worry, I’m not going to write about Jersey Shore, even though the season premiere was triple-A badass. Those people don’t deserve my ire, they don’t know any better. These people, though…
This week, on The Real World:
IT’S SUPER BOWL TIME!!! Also, yes, that’s a dog parade.
Knight and Jemmye are still “at it” (I MEAN SEX). The cast are… at something, a party, an awful DJ bar, I dunno, and they sneak off to the bathroom to have sex. And they attacked the Jersey Shore cast for having an irresponsible attitude towards casual sex? At least Pauly D usually did them girls in his bed.
So yeah, that’s Ryan sexpesting it up and listening in by the door. He’s starting early this episode.
The main theme of this week’s episode is THE SUPERBOWL! That’d be a big deal just by itself, but this time THE SAINTS ARE PLAYING IN IT! To illustrate just how excited they are, the cast play some STREET FOOTBALL!
“Hello. I am a total douchebag! In a silly hat.”
Remember kids, obstructing traffic is cool. Remember Wayne’s World? GAME ON! … CAR! … GAME ON! … CAR!
The big story this week, aside from THE SUPERBOWL!, is that Preston and Ryan fall out again. I know, I know, what could two attention-seeking dimwits possibly fall out over? I mean, didn’t that happen already but then they made up and got all huggy. UH UH. Well, yes, it did, but one of the things you can so wonderfully rely on castmembers of The Real World for is that they love causing drama. Love love love it.
A little way into this episode Preston starts telling/boring the other housemates his “coming out” story. Here he is looking Serious:
YOU GOT CONDOMS?
Preston is busy emoting hard about how difficult it was for him, and Ryan accuses him of attention seeking.
WOAH WOAH. Back up there, kiddo?
Ryan accuses Preston of attention seeking.
I can’t even start with this. I mean, Ryan is probably right, because Preston is an attention seeker. But, still, it doesn’t change the fact that they both spend a large portion of their time acting like six year olds. Some peoPLE, HUH. We’re going to move on.
SUBPLOT TIME. Preston and Ashlee have a meeting with a local radio station (WWOZ, a “a non-profit community-supported radio station… [that] specializes in music from or relating to the cultural heritage of New Orleans and the surrounding region of Louisiana”) because they want to get involved in the media. Ashlee has a bit of background in radio, mostly sports reporting. Preston, in his own words, just wants to be a TV personality. That’s a real surprise, that is.
Somehow, despite having very little experience in what the station does, they get given their own little slot where they have to do vox pop style interviews on the streets at public events – leading up to Super Bowl day. I say “somehow”, I mean “because they are the stars of an MTV reality show”.
Back in the house, Preston gets an email from BIG THANG. It contains nudie pictures:
Congratulations, you have now become the person most humiliated by being involved in The Real World EVER.
Preston declines to respond (THE PIMP) but Knight tries to reply as Preston, making some comment about how Knight has a bigger dick LOL etc.
Returning to the stupid Preston/Ashlee subplot, their first assignment sees them helping out with and interviewing people at a dog parade, that I think is part of the ongoing Mardi Gras.
A Talking Head Sahar informs us that she doesn’t really like dogs, although she looks pretty happy here:
The people as you would expect, are generally a little unhinged.
Crazy Woman: “This is the biggest day of my life.”
Back to the MAIN PLOT. They’re in a cab, going home. They’re talking about BIG THANG, and Knight makes a comment about how if he’s hanging around outside the house, he’s going to punch him (what) and they have a general chitchat about how Preston (THE PIMP) liked him at one point, he just doesn’t anymore. Ryan gives him “props” for dropping him like a used tissue, and then says that he thought big thing was in to him. Preston then drops THE BOMB and oh boy, this is going to be a big one:
I mean, it is obvious to anyone that Ryan, whilst maybe not confused about his sexuality, is clearly very uncomfortable with something around himself and the perceptions he gives off to others. But even given this, you’d hope that Preston would have realised by now not to say things like that in front of him.
Ryan responds by dropping the F-bomb, and shit gets real. Preston refers to him as “the most ignorant person” he has ever met and we get a massive BLEEP BLEEP argument in the car.
The arguing continues back at the house, with just about everyone mocking Ryan for how much he overreacts to, well, everything ever. Ryan rings his brother, and tells him he’s going to beat Preston up. He then has a man-to-man with Knight.
Knight’s all “HEY DUDE, REMEMBER WHEN WE DIDN’T GET ON BUT THEN SUDDENLY WE DID AND NOW WE’RE BROS? CAN’T THAT JUST INEXPLICABLY HAPPEN AGAIN!?!?” and Ryan is blah blah blah. Preston sits outside with Sahar, and reiterates that he doesn’t like Ryan and the way he gets offended over everything. Sahar has an annoying headcold voice that makes it difficult for me to concentrate on what she says.
Away from the tedious unpleasantness, it’s SUPERBOWL TIME! Jemmye celebrates as best she knows how:
Yay booze. The cast then talking about psyched they are about THE SUPERBOWL! and how much they hope the Saints win THE SUPERBOWL! and blah blah. Go team!
Ashlee and Preston are preparing for their next round of interviews, but disaster strikes! None of the ones with the insane people from the Dog Parade actually recorded! OH OH. They ring the operations manager at the station and ask him how it works. I assume he had his head in his hands whilst he was on the phone. Go team!
The cast head downtown and it’s absolute carnage in the streets. Total drunken carnage. Looks pretty fun, all told. Eric, in his contractually-obliged appearance this episode, informs us via a Talking Head that Sahar (remember their thing? no?) has promised to make out with him if the Saints win. He looks excited.
Remember how McKenzie can’t handle her drink?
Eric muses on the tricky concept of alcohol tolerance, relating to how much he can drink vs how much McKenzie can drink
Eric: “One beer for me is like five for McKenzie.”
Just ask this scientician? Or maybe ask Dom, a guy Ashlee refers to as a “creeper”, who starts getting very friendly with McKenzie and buying her drinks. Now, considering the number of times McKenzie has nearly made out with Ryan, this guy has gotta be bad news to get that label, right? Preston attempts to interview, but no No NO!
no! No! NO! She has SHOTS instead. SHOTS WOOOOOOO SUPERBOWL!
Preston runs into Maxwell, who was (I think, anyway), the first dude he had sex with last episode (PIMP), and they start getting kissy kissy. It’s the 4th quarter of THE SUPERBOWL! and we’re informed that The Saints are making a comeback. At this point, Preston gets approached by security and is informed he needs to leave the establishment. He’s not, at least straight off, provided with any information why he is to leave – just that he is to leave.
He’s eventually informed that it’s because Maxwell had a fake ID, as he’s only 20 and the bar is 21+, but the whole thing (at least on the show) is put across as being a little bit fishy. The doorman resolutely refuses to re-admit Preston, even after Maxwell has vanished into the night and Ashlee attempts to negotiate with him. Preston puts this down to having just publicly stuck his tongue down Maxwell’s throat, and while it’s hard to judge on a show as sensationalist and scripted as The Real World there’s probably a sad amount of truth to this. Preston cries in the street a little bit, reminiscing back to his teenage years.
The gang then reunite and go elsewhere, and…. WOAH, the Saints win! THE SAINTS WIN! THE SUPERBOWL!
The unpleasantness of institutionalised homophobia is quickly forgotten and replaced with some good old hard drinkin’. That’s The Real World we know and love! Issues schmissues.
Eric gets his promised MAKE OUT SESSION, as well:
But she has a boyfriend? LAD etc
More trouble a-brewin’, though:
McKenzie apparently decides that, as they’ve not had any drama for a good five minutes of screentime, she has to invent some. Apparently Dom followed them from the homophobic bar and it still trying it on with McKenzie, despite being crazy unpleasant drunk. Maybe it’s because she flat up tells him she blacks out easily?
They go wandering off into the night, arm in arm, closely followed by Ashlee and Preston. They are, understandably, trying to get her away from The Creeper. They don’t have much luck, mostly because Drunk McKenzie apparently acts like a spoilt five year old. Maybe she is better off with Ryan?
Preston and Ashlee eventually give up, and Dom takes her to another bar. Thankfully she comes to her senses and runs away from The Creeper, although really, given the ever-present MTV camera crew, how much danger are we expected to believe she was in?
I’m actually really bored of this episode, given that most of it consists of Ryan and Preston arguing like a pair of bitches, so I’m going to just run through the highlights of their tragic little spats.
Preston is really rude to Ryan because Ryan is something of a domestic slob.
They have another giant argument.
Ryan says that, because of Preston, gay people are Ruined FOREVER for him.
Preston admits that he wiped Ryan’s pants on his ass.
Then shit gets really awful.
Ryan wipes Preston’s cigarettes in his ass.
Preston pees on Ryan’s toothbrush.
They’re both unaware of what the other did.
Honestly, you pair of dimwits: you both deserve this for making The Real World SUCK.